There are four kinds of people in the world:
those who have been caregivers,
those who are caregivers,
those who will be caregivers,
and those who will need caregivers.
- Rosalyn Carter

Respite for caregivers may be the most important factor in determining the quality of assistance given to a care recipient. Caregiving in families is essentially a demanding part-time job added to everything else in someone’s life. “Don’t try to do everything yourself,” is the advice of one friend whose been a caregiver. “Give up being a perfectionist,” suggests Brenda Mitchell, chief executive officer of Crater Community Hospice, a non-profit organization. There is help available.

Mitchell urges audiences to plan ahead for being a caregiver when she speaks to the public. “Most people want to stay at home and die at home, but you must plan for that,” she said, noting that the average caregiver is a woman in her 50s who is married and working full-time. “This average caregiver may still have children at home while she’s caring for one or both elderly parents. These multiple roles make life stressful and physically demanding,” Mitchell added.

By the time Mitchell’s hospice staff is called because the care recipient has a life-limiting diagnosis, the caregiver is frequently burned out, she said, and no longer able to help the patient. That’s why Mitchell and other professionals who work with the elderly and their families want the public to prepare for such situations before there is a crisis. Once a family member needs care, it is much more difficult to discuss options and to prepare for them. The caregiver’s needs often get lost, and this puts the caregiver at risk in terms of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health, according to Mitchell.

However, a caregiver does not have to be swallowed up by the care recipient’s needs, even if no prior plans were made. The greater Richmond-Tri-City Area and the internet have valuable resources for the public.

The Crater District Area Agency on Aging (Colonial Heights, Emporia, Hopewell, Petersburg and the counties of Dinwiddie, Greensville, Prince George, Surry and Sussex) and Senior Connections, the equivalent for the Capitol Planning District (Richmond and the counties of Charles City, Chesterfield, Goochland, Hanover, Henrico, New Kent and Powhatan), provide a number of services designed to help senior citizens live out their days at home. While there are differences between the two agencies, both serve the over-60 population with programs such as transportation, home-delivered meals for care recipients and caregivers, and homemaker services. Senior Connections provides scholarships to those who would benefit from adult day care but cannot afford it. Crater operates two adult day care centers in Petersburg that serve the planning district. Crater also has a licensed attorney on staff who is available to draft wills and powers of attorney, assist with advance directives and guardianship proceedings, and provide advice and consumer assistance in other areas.

The in-home care options available through area agencies on aging as well as commercial vendors can make it possible for the caregiver to have much needed rest and rejuvenation. Adult day care programs, for example, provide activities, meals and snacks for those with a limited ability to function independently. This can make it possible for the caregiver to continuing working, participate in a face-to-face support group or one available online, maintain other important relationships, participate in internet video workshops, and meet his or her own health and social needs.

If attending an adult day care program is not possible, check with an agency on aging on the availability of paid and/or volunteer companions. Family members, friends or neighbors may also be able to give the caregiver a day or weekend off on a regular basis. Some nursing homes and assisted living facilities provide temporary care so caregivers can have well-deserved breaks.

Some families have found it helpful to use the internet to set up a Web page so their community of family and friends can check to see what is needed and volunteer to fill needs. This helps the primary caregiver keep medical appointments, run errands, or enjoy being in nature.

Having the proper equipment helps the care recipient be as independent as possible and reduces the physical strain on the caregiver. Consult the doctor and other health care professionals about what equipment will make the situation better.

National associations for various diseases have Web sites and toll-free numbers to provide information and referrals. The Alzheimer’s Association (www.alz.org), for example, offers information about the disease, treatments, and behaviors as well as a caregiver’s stress check and a list of resources for handling them. Local branches of the national health associations often have banks of volunteers available to help caregivers.

The responsibility of caregiving needs to be shared, and the caregiver needs support that will allow for physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self-care. The National Caregivers Library offers online inventories for doing this and even has a page for specific information for Central Virginia www.richmond.caregiverslibrary.org.