I want to make one thing perfectly clear, before I  even get to the topic at hand. I am not complaining. I'm merely explaining. If just one person feels better after reading this, then I have rendered a valuable public service. And it's knowing I have accomplished that, that gets me through the day.  I wish we lived in a world where I didn't have to point out all those little things that disturb me.  But, we do, and there are quite a few of those things.

For example, I was shopping at one of the local malls, this past Saturday. I go into one of the men's clothing stores and as soon as I enter, a salesman spots me and descends upon me like a vulture on a dead possum lying in the road.

"Out for a fun day of shopping?" he says in a gleeful way as if he and I are best buds and have just so happened to have run into each other.

"Yeah, I guess," I say enthusiastically.

"So, what are we looking for today," he asks.

"I don't know what you're looking for, but I'm looking for dress shirts," I reply. I guess that was an open invitation to him to become a part of my life.

"What color shirt are you interested in," he asks me as I'm heading towards the dress shirt section in the back of the store.  Now, he has me wondering if there's a blue dress shirt section and a green one and a white one and so forth.  What difference does it make what color? Is he going to psychoanalyze me based upon my color choice. 

"I don't know," I say, being totally honest with my new BFF.

"What sort of special occasion do you want your shirt for," he asks.  Really?  Does he think I want to take my new shirt out for a night on the town? 

So now I have a dilemma. Do I simply turn around and walk out, or do I tell him he's an idiot before I turn and walk out?  I chose the former and left the store. I considered that a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind.

Next, I head down to the men's room at the mall. As I'm taking care of business, I notice a sign that makes me feel pretty good about myself. Seems that simply by using the urinal, I'm part of a movement (no pun intended) that will save 40,000 gallons of water over the course of the year.

I stand there about 10 minutes reading (at my age, it takes a lot longer to do certain things, like read, than when I was a young man). The mall management folks are very pleased with themselves for installing these ultra-modern, space age urinals that are flushless. They use zero water.  I'm impressed. But, then it dawns on me that the urinals are just a new-fangled johnny house.  My great grandparents were using a similarly-designed facility a hundred years ago. And I bet they never stopped to pat themselves on the back for saving the planet.

Well now, I do feel a lot better, just getting these things off my chest. So, I guess I really am rendering a public service. I hope you appreciate it.