I spent the entire morning sitting in the waiting area at one of Henrico County's courthouses, today.  It's a good thing they call it the "waiting area," because I did a lot of waiting...and watching, and eavesdropping. I do so love to hear other folks talk about their miseries. And, believe me, there's a lot of misery out there.

Anyway, while I was looking around, killing time, I noticed an old, white-headed gentleman. Not only was his snow-white hair long and wavy, curling around his ears and his neck,but he also had a full beard, equally as white. All you could see of his face, were his twinkling eyes and his rosy red cheeks. He looked so familiar. I knew I had seen him on TV just recently, but I couldn't quite place the face.

So, I go up and sit down beside him and I say, "You look so familiar. Are you...."

Now I was going to ask if he was, by any chance, that guy from  ZZ Top, but before I could get the first "Z" out, he interrupted me and replied in a not-so-cheery manner, "Yeah, it's me, Santa Claus.

So, I reply, "I knew I knew you from somewhere, but I didn't think..."

I was going to say that I didn't think anyone in his position would be wearing a Budweiser cap and a t-shirt that said, "I'm With Stupid." But before I could get that out, he interrupted again and finished my sentence for me, "I know, I know. You didn't think I was real. Sheesh. I get that all the time. Do you realize how annoying that is?"

Being a natural-born conversationalist, I continue, "But, why are you...

I was going to ask him why he was in such a foul mood, but he actually answered the question for me, as he cut me off and spoke, "Why am I in court? I'll tell you why."

I started to say I didn't want to pry, which would have been a lie, but I like to say that to people when I'm trying to get them to tell me their most personal stories. Before I could speak, he spoke, "Just shut up and listen. I'll tell you why I'm in Henrico court, today. It's because of this ridiculously litigious world in which we live."

"Huh?" I asked

"Used to be," he continued, "I could visit billions of households in a night, then I pretty much had the next 364 days off, except, of course, checking in on my elfin sweat shops. But now, that's all changed. Nuisance law suits keep me busy until mid-November, at the earliest.  Take for instance, Billy Bob Barnhardt, out on Mountain Road. He's suing me because I traumatized his precious daughter when I came down the chimney. I say that if the brat had been in bed where she should have been, there'd have been no trauma."

"I"m speechless," I said, belying my claim.

"That's just the tip of the iceberg," he said.  "Look at this list. There must be 300 families in Short Pump, alone, suing me because I didn't bring the right model of this toy, or I forgot the batteries on that toy. The fun's just not there anymore."

"Well, I am sorry to hear that," I said, somewhat consolingly.

He looked at his watch, and touching his nose, he stood up. "I gotta get out of here," he said. "I have to be in Richmond General District Court at one."

"What's going on there?" I ask.

"Some condo association is claiming my reindeer soiled their balcony," he answers.

About that time, one of the court deputies approached, along with a smartly-dressed woman of about 45. She was wearing black sweat pants with pink and purple stars on them and a red and black checkered jacket. "He's not claiming to be..."

"Santa Claus," I interrupted. It felt good.

"What a liar and a cheat," she wailed. "I'm suing the bum for child support. We got six kids and he never even comes to see 'em. Oh yeah, he comes about one night a year and he thinks he can bring presents and that makes up for all the rest of the year."

I look over at whoever he is. He smiles, winks, and picks up a bag that smelled like dirty laundry and leaves. All in all it was a good day.